IF I'M HONEST... IT'S NOT YOU
ITS ME.
Written by Joseph Richardson
If I'm honest, ITS NOT YOU, ITS ME! Hey guys, this weeks article is all about helping you look at what went WRONG and why she F****D OFF and left you sobbing into your duvet, listening to REM. There was no real reason for it ENDING, and she doesn't have a real excuse. Its the whole old cliched situation of ITS NOT YOU, ITS ME. Whenever this EXCUSE is used its not the real conclusion to a relationship we want, it just creates lonely nights of constantly questioning WHAT THE F**K WENT WRONG?
Now you know from my previous articles, I'm honest and there is no B**LS**T with me. So what I aim to do this week is set your mind at ease, by breaking the hard facts to you about what I have discovered this INFAMOUS line to mean. It NEVER EVER means something is wrong with her or him, and that actually YES it is YOUR fault. But as I also like to balance my HARD LINE approach with some advice, I will also be helping you with MOVING on and what to do in FUTURE to avoid the HURT.
It was going so well
So its pretty early days and you have been landed with this bomb shell and all of a sudden your SOUL MATE of an ENTIRE two months has decided to call it off, and now you cannot bare to live. As callous as my tone may sound, don't worry I'VE been there too.
So let me guess what happened... Everything was fine and then the texts started to become less flirty, then less frequent, they became shorter about 1 or 2 lines as opposed to the paragraphs you used to send and then it was called off. The reason I used text messages to discuss the pattern of BEHAVIOR is because we spend most of our conversations at the beginning of a RELATIONSHIP via the means of texting as opposed to any other form of conversing, so it is a fantastic way to gauge FEELINGS.
By reading into the texts and being HONEST with YOURSELF, you can tell whats being thought behind whats actually BEING SAID. Look to what is being IMPLIED. If all the way through the relationship so FAR, she has had certain character traits to her texts. Such as there is always paragraphs of CONTENT, she texts back IMMEDIATELY in response to yours, etc, what ever was COMMON has now changed. Well, that is the FIRST sign something is WRONG or its nearly OVER.
We've been together AGESSSS
So its not early doors, you've been together well over 9 months as a MINIMUM, and you know each other like the smell of your own S***S. So you can't blame it on you coming on too FAST, and you can't blame it on that she doesn't find you ATTRACTIVE. So what is it?
Well you have to look at varying notions to figure out when it STARTED to go wrong and how you can RECOGNIZE shes planning to END it.
1) The SEX stopped months ago- Now if your both young, SEX should not be going out of the window. Your HORMONES are at their peak and so is your HEALTH. So this is usually a CLEAR indicator that SHE is getting satisfied elsewhere.
2) We don't cuddle/ talk/ or do romantic things anymore- This can be an INDICATOR that she is now fed up in the RELATIONSHIP, that in her EYES it has come to an end and that she sees you more as a BROTHER. This kind of STALE behavior can come about when there is a lack of spontaneity and passion, also when she knows its at an END and is trying to find a way of PUSHING you away, to get YOU to call it OFF.
3) SHE spends more TIME away from ME- This could mean on the COMPUTER, out with FRIENDS, at 'WORK.' This could be a means of her covering up that she is CHEATING or just that she is avoiding being with you because, like with the previous point she know its OVER and its another way of her driving an EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL WEDGE between you both.
But...but I did everything right
OH cut the crap. You may think you did it RIGHT, well obviously you DIDN'T. So what if you went with the whole ROMANTIC FORMULA. The flowers, chocolates, poems, surprises, it doesn't MATTER. If you had done the right thing you wouldn't be looking to me for ADVICE on what to DO and what things MEAN.
I would suggest that in future, AVOID doing any of these things UNTIL the relationship has developed further until she has PROVEN what she is willing to do for your ROMANTICALLY. The reason for this is...
1) It shows you as being to EAGER or EASY, if you behave like this STRAIGHT away, there is no where to take the relationship at a later stage, when she has EARNED your AFFECTION.
2) If you do these things and she doesn't, you will feel USED and like an IDIOT and that your kind nature has been taken ADVANTAGE of. This ISN'T her taking advantage of you, its you trying too HARD to IMPRESS.
3) It could push her away because it is all too SOON, and you are doing things that aren't WARRANTED yet. You are being over ENTHUSIASTIC. Haven't you heard, HUMANS WHAT THEY WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE.
4) And in relation to a point raised in point 3, if you want to avoid them problems then remember to TREAT EM MEAN TO KEEP EM KEEN.
Seriously by playing little games you keep the INTEREST there, it also means you are less likely to get HURT and it will only INCREASE the attraction LEVEL between you both.
So as stated, be HONEST with yourself. Look at it as though it was your friend and HIS girlfriend, and she had changed her BEHAVIOR. What would YOU say to HIM? The same as I'm saying to you I expect. Just because its your 'MISSUS' doesn't make her exempt from the rule of thumb when it comes to LOVE.
YES I AM SAYING THERE IS A STANDARD FORM OF BEHAVIOR BETWEEN COUPLES, AND DON'T BE SO NAIVE AS TO DENY IT.
SO WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
So now you actually want to know what it means when SHE says, ITS NOT YOU ITS ME. Well here is a list of SPECIFIC, HONEST responses to what it is most LIKELY to mean, void of B**LS**T, and I honestly don't give two craps what you think it means, this is the real REASONING.
1) Your NOT ATTRACTIVE enough. Simple enough.
2) I'm no longer SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to you- It can happen that the SPARKLE the person once saw in you has gone. This is usually caused by coming on too STRONG and making it to easy for them to have YOU.
3) I was only with you as a REBOUND- Yes it can often be that you was being used to fill a VOID in the persons life, and she has now realized that they are STRONG enough to be alone and that actually she is behaving like a D**KH**D taking advantage of your kind nature.
4) I am in LOVE with someone else and using YOU to try and move on and push the one I DO love to the back of my MIND- This is the most common I believe for this situation arising. SHE want someone ELSE who doesn't want her and is trying to DEAL with it by being with someone else. It is different to number 3 as it is not a REBOUND, it could be that they LOVE their BEST FRIEND but refuse to tell them.
5) I have met SOMEONE else- This is the hardest SITUATION to accept. But she has already met someone else, someone she finds more ATTRACTIVE and more EMOTIONALLY COMPATIBLE with her.
What can I do now?
So now you are left heartbroken and you have no idea what to do. Well first off let me tell you LISTENING to the CRANBERRIES GREATEST HITS on repeat will not help you. Believe me, I KNOW. Neither will various other TACTICS we use to comfort ourselves. What we should really be looking at as well as getting over the HEARTACHE is how to PREVENT it. My main SUGGESTION is to P**S all over the notion of MONOGAMY and have as much SEX as possible with as many PARTNERS as possible, but for some of you that is not a ROUTE you'd like to go down. GOD ONLY KNOWS WHY!
1) Keep some back for YOURSELF- Don't give yourself totally to the other person. It will only lead to hurt if you build your DREAMS around them. Keep some separate FRIENDS, separate HOBBIES, and don't lose who YOU are for what they WANT you to be. Remember in LIFE you are the most important PERSON unless you have CHILDREN. The one person in life that is guaranteed not to hurt you... IS YOU. So always bare in mind a partner, no matter how good it feels right NOW, can still hurt you in a MONTHS time.
2) Switch off the DEPRESSING music- You may think the music is consoling you, but it is only helping you to 'LINGER' ( subtle Cranberries joke there) in pits of despair. Music is a magical tool for altering our emotions and so get playing some TRANCE or something upbeat that will change your emotional state for a more POSITIVE one.
3) NO COMFORT EATING- All that fatty food, and poisonous refined sugar will do you no FAVORS. It will make you feel 'SLOTHY' and destroy your CONFIDENCE in your appearance.
4) WORKOUT- Go train hard and get yourself into peak PHYSICAL shape. It will make you feel better about yourself, boost positive ENDORPHIN'S, and allow you to vent some of those FRUSTRATIONS.
5) FRIENDS- Friends are great at times of HEARTACHE. They will try to help you get back on with your LIFE. They will get you back on the SINGLE scene and remind you that the old CLICHE is true 'TIME HEALS.'
6) Book a HOLIDAY- If you have the MONEY, try and get a way for a while. The beauty and culture of a new ENVIRONMENT will take you away from all those painful memories and who knows a little holiday ROMANCE is the perfect no strings REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.
7) DO NOT TRY TO BE FRIENDS- Yes, I am telling you to CUT ALL TIES. Its over. There is no need to be friends, you have enough of them as it is, and would your friends really treat you like they have? You are just keeping WOUNDS open, and building a false ILLUSION that things will get back to how they were. MOVE ON ITS OVER.
8) She ISN'T the ONE- You will SPEND MONTHS, beating yourself up, CONVINCED she is the one. Trust me, SHE ISN'T. If she was, then SHE WOULD be with you right now. so drop those LUDICROUS thoughts.
9) Its HURTING because of PRIDE- As I mentioned in last weeks ARTICLE, its all about PRIDE. I won't repeat what I have already been through, so go check out that article as well and see how to cope with PRIDE getting in the way.
10) Take time out- Some will say the best way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone. For some it will work. For others I suggest taking time out. Take a week or two for regaining perspective. I once chose to take a week from DRUGS, DRINK, SEX, SMOKING, TAKEAWAYS and GIRLS in general. That DETOX week solved everything for me. It could for you too.
EXCUSES ARE EXCUSES
So that brings us to another ENDING I'm afraid and I hope my blunt approach and SIMPLIFIED GENERALIZATIONS have helped. I do fundamentally believe that NO MATTER what even in regards to something as STUPIDLY F*****G complex as LOVE, there is CORRELATION, and that no matter what, YOU KNOW WHEN SOMEONE LIKES YOU.
When EXCUSES such as, 'MY HEAD IS IN THE WRONG PLACE,' are used, it is just a nice way of them saying they are not interested for whatever reason. When two people REALLY do like each other they WILL be TOGETHER... REMEMBER THAT.
If you LIKE someone, GO for it. It MAY not work out, but who KNOWS? Only will you know by TRYING.
Stick together guys. PEACE OUT AND PROSPER.
If you have any questions on any topics raised in the article don't be afraid to comment, and also if you are seeking any help please send in a message and I will do my best to Advise.
Twitter-@JosephRichards9
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